#this is just a stupid like thing to me but it makes me sad cause I don’t even hate seeing depictions of Curly as more aware and
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Seb comes to Fernando's bedside to cheer him up! (aka resolving my turmoil over there being no vettonso moments yesterday)(long gif!!!)
+ what if Fernando hadn't been out sick!


#oh my god what the fuck have i made 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#this is my magnum opus.....#i love these projects where i keep going back and forth btwn#I CANT FINISH THIS to IM GONNA FINISH THIS SO HADD#and i DID finish it. at 5 am. sick.#im oddly proud of this despite how fucking stupid it is 😭😭#its so hilarious to me 😭😭😭😭#ty to suzuki as always for contributing by being my fellow freak <3#i love how i been able to finish anything lately cause I've been busy and stressed#like i keep putting off stuff just to work on this for four hours straight#I NEEDED IT TO BE RELEVANT#also its up to you to decide if seb is actually wearing that or if its fernando's fever dream#WAAAUGHHHHHHH IM STILL SO SAD THERES NO PICS OF THEM#sry i am actually delirious rn oh my god#WHY DIDNT THEY MEEETTTTTTTTTT AAAAGGHHHHH :(((#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2024 brazilian gp#catie.art.#normal things that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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okay ill bite why do u hate kaoru sakuraba sidem aside from the fact that they went from hokuto as a main blue to downgrade to kaoru. to make it less awkward that I’m asking abt sidem on ur osomatsu side blog, what sidem idols would u assign to each matsu ?
i think sideM should collab w osomatsu-san and put them all in Beit so they can all get JOBS!!!!!!

anyways i hate kaoru from idolmaster sideM. i need all my osomatsu-san side blog followers to know that i hate this man. "i need a lot of money fast to pursue an extremely niche medical research track, which is why i quit my stable and high paying job as a surgeon to become an idol while having no soft skills, physical strength or stamina, or interest in getting along with people" are you Stupid??
he's not even using his idol clout to spread awareness of the rare disease he's trying to cure (like SEM does) so it can secure funding, he sees it 100% as a job and refuses to have fun, he is actively unpleasant and uncooperative in every interaction with his coworkers because he's trying to "rise to the top". it seems like the only thing he has going for him are his looks and that he kind of liked to sing when he was a kid. why not become a model at that point when you have the personality of a wet tree trunk. or better yet why not STAY A FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!!
also, i don't like meganes, so write that down.
#context for oomfiematsus: idolmaster sideM's gimmick is that all the idols were other things before becoming idols#Beit is the unit whose gimmick is that all their members have part time jobs (baito)#others are like. lawyer -> idol; pilot -> idol; pianist -> idol; rakugoka -> idol; etc#finding out the backstories/previous lives of these idols is like the main appeal of this branch#a lot of times it's like trauma and stuff that causes them to switch careers. like there's a pair of twins who were former soccer pros#but one suffers a career-ending injury and it's sad. and theyre like well we were pretty good at PR and stuff though so let's be idols#(the other twin follows him because yknow twinsies <3 cant be apart)#and this guy is in the main unit so you meet him and he's just a fucking dick the whole time and he just seems to fucking hate being an ido#so the whole time youre like what's this guy's deal#(note i experienced this through the anime cuz all the games are EOS lol)#and then like 3/4ths into the anime in you finally get his backstory#and it's that his sister died of a very rare disease so he needs money to fund research to find the cure but no one will fund it#but instead of staying a doctor he decides the best way to do this is to BECOME AN IDOL?!!!?!?#like sure i bet the top idols do make more than an average surgeon? but it's like do you want a .01% chance to make a $2 million salary#or an 100% chance to make a $300k salary BECAUSE YOURE ALREADY A SURGEON!!!!#and it'd be another thing if he was like. kinda having fun with it. kinda being jovial#like there's literally another guy in the teacher unit who became an idol for the exact same reason (heard it was lucrative)#but then after he finds out being an idol actually isnt all that much cash#so he just decides to have fun being an idol instead!!!!#this guy NEVER GETS THERE. he's always a SERIOUS RUDE STICK IN THE MUD who is NEVER FUN TO BE AROUND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE#I'm Here For Work. I'm Here To Be The Best Idol. I Don't Want To Make Friends#LIKE GET REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL DUDE YOUR COWORKERS ARE 10 YEAR OLDS IN ANIMAL COSTUMES AND 30 YEAR OLD MEN IN PINK TIGHTS.#anyways everyone likes him i guess he's supposed to be the “cold guy eventually opens his heart” kind of guy but he has always just come of#as very annoying to me. and also DUMB AS FUCK i cannot stress enough how STUPID OF A CAREER CHOICE THIS WAS#so i cant take him seriously when they try to play him up as this cool all-knowing guy when he's the STUPIDEST PERSON AT THIS COMPANY#INCLUDING THE 9 YEAR OLDS
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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I like how whenever I watch AstralSpiff or Backseat play a new Poppy Chapter it’s pretty clear what game that they devs had been playing before hand lmao,, Chapter 4 being very clearly referencing to the Resident Evil 4 underground factory insect fights with how it was framed
#disco speaks!#honestly the most interesting chapter is still chapter 3 to me because there’s a consistent antagonist and it expounds on that story with#every step as well as actually showing the playcare and hour of joy#i don’t like the franchise because of what happened with the devs and the merch and NFTs and just general stuff with MOB#but like yeah. the more it digs down it just gets more vague and expansive to the point where it’s like where do the characters draw theline#like Doey hates the doctor but works with him but also hates Poppy more for also being abused but doesn’t hate Kissy or Mommy??#the prototype is probably not going to the live up to the hype because it’s been dragged out for too long#why the fuck is the player here? four chapters and over like I’ll give them like 15 hrs of playtime#(if even that) and there’s like been several antagonists with like catnap and the doctor being the most interesting and tied into the#big bad evil. also like I feel bad for the kids obviously but then the hour of joy where it’s like poppy are sad that ‘innocent’ people were#killed but also like is LIKE WHO DO WE EVEN CARE ABOUT??#the player who is just a witness to the thing and barely has a stake in this#why is kissy nice like sometimes having the audience questioning the story and lore to be interested#but it’s like security breach a moment of thought and it’s just like this game is built on really nothing but wanting to make a game#and I love security breach but that’s not how you write a story#there’s good parts of poppy playtime and security breach but they don’t make up for the lack of planning for either#like at least security breach came all at once and there’s been other games to set the precedent and premise#but to quote the stupid meme poppy playtime insists upon itself#and by the way im not talking shit about the fandom or anything like that cause like#I’d be a hypocrite and im still following the story and will watch the next chapter when it comes out. it still deserves critism#and there’s also suspension of disbelief to go with it and I do enjoy it sometimes#and there’s also respect for the artists and story writers and the coders who care about their work and craft#the sound designers and the voice actors and everyone in between#ughhh I don’t know
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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every time I see a bad take about Julian getting replaced by a Changeling I have to take a deep breath and remember that people are entitled to their (wrong) opinions
#'they never noticed they dont care about him' NO!!!#CHANGELINGS CAN PERFECTLY IMITATE A PERSON DOWN TO THE MOST MINUTE DETAIL#THIS IS EMPHASIZED MANY TIMES AND IS WHY THEY ARE SUCH A MASSIVE THREAT IN DS9#THIS IS WHY THEY HAD TO KEEP CHANGING SECURITY MEASURES!! NEW SCANNERS AND BLOOD TESTS!!#BECAUSE THE CHANGELINGS ARE THAT FUCKING PRECISE!!#WE HAD ENTIRE EPISODES AND ARCS ABOUT THE PARANOIA THIS INSTILLED IN EVERYBODY!! BECAUSE YOU COULDNT TELL!!#THE ENTIIIIIIIIIIIRE POINT WAS THAT NOBODY COULD TELL WHEN A CHANGELING HAD REPLACED SOMEONE#WHY SHOULD THE DS9 CREW BE ANY DIFFERENT#god. sorry. this has pissed me off for so long its SUCH a misread of the actual fucking text#and its a complete disservice to the entire crew of DS9#painting them as assholes who at best dont care about him or at worst WANTEDDDDD to believe the Changeling was him#cause they liked the Changeling better or whatever#and for what?? so that they can write Julian angst thats out of character and doesnt make sense#people CANNOT stand that this man has friends who love and care about him because it contradicts the stupid fanon version of him#who is pathetic sad doormat that is so far divorced from canon the only thing they share is the fucking name#literally just make an OC at that point
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh
the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...
but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)
especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.
#on a lighter note at least i can post about cato on here.even though i may be stupid i think i can be a little funny about history sometimes#tbh. books that made me feel stupid this year: thomas yingling's hart crane and the homosexual text. i tried to read this and it was#utterly incomprehensible to me. which was so sad because i absolutely adore hart crane he's my favorite poet. and also weird cause crane's#poems are also very obscure and hard to understand but one of the few things that makes me Not feel stupid is that i enjoy them and at leas#sort-of understand them to the degree one can (even people who study him admit that he is very difficult)#and books that made me kind of feel stupid but also feel like reading them was making me smarter: girard's violence and the sacred. i am#only like. 2 chapters into it and it takes me days to read one because it's so dense however it's one of those books that like. i can feel#it reordering the way i think about things. it's sooo fascinating and good and i started it cause i heard ppl talking about it on here#honestly i think a lot of my problems around the kind of thing in the post with school though is that i was always this person where everyo#would constantly tell me how well i could do if i would only try harder. but the problem is i just Couldnt try harder. i dont know why and#still dont know why i cant do it. it was constantly told to me that i had Potential. but i can never.actually access this supposed Potentia
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venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
#yall im gonna vent about a boy#and some other things under here#cause i just made myself sad#anyway yeah idk a couple months ago i matched w this dude who messaged me asking abt my love for e and i was like very open abt it#and he wasn't judgemental at all he was very nice and we just like . talked abt whatever#we were talking for like a month or two nonstop like we messaged every day right#and i even told him it's okay if he doesn't message me everyday i don't mind and he's like but i like talking to you i wanna message u!!#and there was like 3 days i couldn't message him and i came back to see he missed me and he was like soooo sweet#and then he took me to get dinner and we went to his place and we literally hit it off so well??? like the chemistry was THERE#like we kissed and he was sooo sweet to me and then the holidays hit and his messages slowed down#and since then it got slower and slower and now he's just completely ghosted me and it's been a few weeks now#and i should get over it i know like im back to swiping on these stupid apps again but it just makes me so sad#because i really did like him and i don't know what i did wrong or if i scared him away#after leaving me on opened 3 times i just gave up like i got the hint i assumed he doesn't like me like that anymore#i saw something that reminded me of him and i got really sad#so now here i am#anyway i went on for tooooo long let me stop there lol
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How do I even begin to feel normal again. Wtf even happened in the last two days
#I threw off my routine and now I’m sad :(#And I can’t make myself feel better because I did the thing :(#This would actually sound so stupid with full context not that I actually care#In short some fucker bought biscuits even though I say not to buy biscuits that are vegan cause I’ll just eat them all#And now I’ve fucking eaten them all and I feel like shit so I can’t have my bath because I feel like shit#And I’m not gonna have any room for self improvement because self care day isn’t until fucking Thursday#I’m hoping to feel better tomorrow at least because I have a late start so chill morning and such#But then still working so I feel good because I’ve been outside and done something to my brain#If I charge my batteries in my CD player and pick out some music that’ll make me feel better tho :) I’m gonna do that#And I’m gonna try and buy some easy peelers and prepare myself for Wednesday!!!!!!!#I’m going to start trying to do more walks too even though it gets too dark to go after college now which is sad. I need my goddamn walks!!
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tenmartha to me is just feed my ego by mickey darling. to me? that's them. sums them up prettyy wellll if ya ask me
at least the doctor @ martha. so sorry girl
#honestly the whole thing could just apply to s3 ten#but it makes me think of tenmartha specifically#“no I don't love you I just love the things you say (FEED MY EGO)” like. mnph. c'mon#“you would be so good without me happily. nobody could ever be as sad as me” r u seeing it yet? you gotta be#“all I need is compliments please constantly. I make people think I'm happy comedy” k. kayyyyyyyy. squints. okay ten.#this whole song. I could put the wholeee songgg in the tags. every line. I swear#I hope this isn't raining on any parades or anything not meant to be trashing on them#(okay well a little. but in the fun way. cause they're awful. HE'S awful)#but I have this stupid song stuck in my head and it's giving me the most nasty vile tenmartha vibes ever evaaaa#tenmartha#tenth doctor#martha jones#doctor who
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someone at my office asked me "you don't talk a lot, do you?" (which i don't bc why would i wanna talk to these people i can barely make conversation with my closest coworker) it wasn't even 8 am and i already wanna pull my eyes out of my skull
#why would you say something like that#even if you didnt mean any harm just stfu#trying sooo hard for this not to get to me cause ok thats YOUR perception of me bc we barely talk#no way im getting sad and upset over this fuck no#important thing is i know i dont talk a lot except with my friends and people im confident with#ofc im not gonna talk a lot to you#im always losing the idgaf war 😭#but ppl need to stop making stupid comments like that even if they dont mean any harm or they are just curious#my sister in christ you work in fucking HR what the hell is up with comments like that#every once in a while i get disappointed of this company and wanna leave even more but in the mean time at least i got a job i guess
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did you guys know youtube had a whole different section dedicated to like. not celebrity/music stuff or like studying stuff
#i can't believe how many videos are there for stupid small things#like i looked up how to wash clothes cause this fuckass place doesn't have a washing machine#and i got lost in it and scrolled for like an hour there's so many like techniques and weird tech and people recommending#fabric softener#also i looked up how to make white led light yellow i didn't think it could happen i just wanted to see#and it's crazy it didn't help me because im not like a freakinh engineer but people have taken apart those tiny bulbs#and kucb toh smal small they do to mske it disco light#so funny#one person commented bhai itni mehnat karne se accha toh kharid hi leta and op said i like diy with a sad emoji
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i don't know what to do
#doll#do i leave? do i try to fix it even if it means startin over again? am i overreacting?#i'm just avoiding him n i should probably take some space but#i'm......scared.#i thought i wasn't scared of him anymore#if he lied about this what else was just him tellin me what i wanna hear#when he said he wouldn't stop me from leavin?#(physically. at least he was honest enough to admit he'd probably try everything in his power to make me change my mind)#n i mean i don't even wanna break up for good. i don't wanna give up on him. i love him.#maybe i'm just stupid but i really think he loves me too. at this point it's the only thing he's said i'm not questioning#it's just that for the first time in my life i'm not sure it's enough#n he just....doesn't know how to. n i'm gettin so tired of tryin to show him when he's fightin it all the way#i'm just. so sad. it's hard to breathe. i wanna be angry w/ him but maybe i was just stupid to trust him like that#i know by now i can live without him even if he'll always be the only one for me (cause he is n i'll always love him)#but i don't wanna face a world where it's not enough that you just love each other. where it breaks anyway.#spdrvent
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